Went to the bank today, husband sat outside with the kids in the car; asked him if he was coming in? He said "no". So as my mind raced on how I was going to make it into that building alone I put one foot in front of the other and I went in there alone. Once I got in the waiting line I started having anxiety, the sound changed in the room, I instantly felt the need to use the restroom, heart started beating a little faster, started to tell myself that I needed to leave and just go get them out of the car. But I stood my ground, felt like I was going to pass out with every inch closer to the desk as if I was about to commit a crime; while silently I am suffering with the thought of passing out in front of everyone. Wondering if they will be able to save me if I do. Look to my left and I see a manager, It eases my mind a little but not much as I loose site of her too. Everyones conversations become louder in my ears, I can hear everyone but separately I hear them talking. While no one knows but I am trying to focus on a conversation to ease my worried mind. My worry about what I am not even sure.
Finally I get up to the desk, shaking terribly, again looking like I am nervous because I am but not about what they might be thinking. After about 5 minutes I leave and get back into the car with a massive headache. A situation I don't want to go through again. Another time I tried and I failed. To do just the simplest thing. What was I afraid of?
Passing out
no one being there to help me if I did
The feeling of not being able to breathe.
The thought of death and not seeing or hearing anything that I was at that very moment.
The fact that I had to go to the bathroom and there wasn't one.
The thought of telling my husband how ridiculous I was in the bank
The thought that I might have to go get them all to finish a simple transaction at the bank.
Your right I made it through; but I made it now even more scared to go back again.
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